Drug Store Truck Driving Man

I need to go out.

The electric bill is overdue and the red letter has arrived. I need to go to the doctors too. In fact, I need to see a doctor more than I need to pay the electric.

But I'm too scared to go out.

My next door neighbour wants to fight me. He's a drug-store truck-driving man and wants to kick the shit out of (perhaps kill) the benefit scrounging scum his tax pays for.

One must never equate anything with the nazis..

Kaliya Franklin wrote yesterday of how

”The Welfare Reform Bill is not to be equated with Nazism, nor is it in any way appropriate to suggest the actions of any British politician are similar to those of the Nazis.”

The second however, is crap

 I'll grant K the first part; the second however, is crap and is called out as such, in the comment from Socrates

Volksgenosse, das ist auch Dein Geld!

“What is the qualitative difference between “Volksgenosse, das ist auch Dein Geld!”  and the recent headlines in the Daily Express and the behaviour of the Government ministers behind them?... 

Your assertion of 'no equivalence' is realpolitik sitting in the middle of the M1 waiting for the inevitable.”

The terrorism of the Sturmabteilung

What is the difference in the terrorism of the Sturmabteilung and the behaviour of the יוק that makes my life so frightening? For me there is no practical difference - the hostility is state-sanctioned and deliberate, the police unsympathetic and as likely to join in the fun as defend the victims.

Things have got worse

Today Scope releases the results of its quarterly survey of the views of the disabled, their parents and carers and they say

66% of disabled people say

Four months later, the survey suggests things have got worse:. 47% said people’s attitudes towards them have got worse over the past year. 66% of disabled people say that they have experienced aggression, hostility or name calling...

Government ministers are deliberately defaming people like me to make their benefit cuts easier to implement.

The newspapers trumpet their filth 

The newspapers trumpet their filth and as a result people like my next door neighbour are more likely to harass and assault people like me.

Iain Duncan Smith Dr. Walter Groß said recently in the 1930's

We recall the days of delirium, when millions of unemployed had been thrown on the street by a sick political and economic system, made superfluous.

A single person pried the tracks apart and derailed a train in the middle of the night. Within a minute he murdered 30 innocent people who had never done anything to him, and stole their money.

And what did the world of yesterday say? “He can’t help himself. He is a victim of circumstances. He has Beethoven’s hands and an artistic temperament. We need not put him on the gallows or in prison to protect us and our children.

One must NEVER equate anything with the Nazis. Ever. Period.

No, this poor Schlesinger is only sick because of his environment. Put him in a modern sanitarium, give him what he needs: radio, a library, a smoking salon, a language teacher, a pastor, a newspaper room, give him everything he needs to put him in touch with better things.

In a few years, this mass murderer of 30 people will leave as an ideal human being, so pure and innocent that one can put him in charge of a kindergarten.”

That’s what people thought in the past. Today that seems a bad joke to us, a crazy fantasy, but a few years ago it was government policy in Germany...

A Post A Day

A post a day even if it kills me...

Carer day again today. I didn't let them in. Partly extreme anxiety from the demands of interacting with them, partly down to the fact that I need a fuckin' doctor to visit me not a fuckin' care worker.

I need a fuckin' doctor not a fuckin' care worker

I explained this to them in writing, 4 days ago. It obviously hasn't worked its way through their administrative system. You would've though an incoherent mong screaming down the 'phone “I need a fuckin' doctor” twice, and following it up with 2 emails would've produced something other than someone turning up to ask me what I want.

Ho fuckin' hum.

Anyway the Atos Healthscare Killer Fish has teamed-up with medical recruiting agency sjb to scrape the bottom of the nursing barrel for killer de-benfitization nurses:

It's 9 to 5, money and private medical care - why should I give a fuck?

Meanwhile Professor Harrington tasked with pretending to help reform the Governments new Work Capability De-benefitization Assessment, has told critics “to be patient” as they beg for relief from their misery. Cunt.

Some of us can give as good as we get...

Carer Day - But I Might Die Tonight

A potted history of 60 years of disability rights

Carer Day didn't go too well this week. I didn't want them to come at all. I hadn't got to sleep the previous night until about 5am - a not-at-all uncommon event. I must've spent about 3 or 4 hours pacing. I'd kind of got fixated on the prospect of my forthcoming Atos Healthcare de-benefitization, and I think I was desperately trying to think my way out of the awful reality of what's in store.

De-benefitization is nothing new to me

De-benefitization is nothing new to me. It's been pretty much the story of my whole adult life. And the main reason I've been homeless for most of the last 15 years. Even under the old benefits regime I had trouble doing the necessary paperwork and attending the necessary interviews and medicals - first the sickness benefit/dole would stop. Then the housing benefit. Then the letters from the landlord would start, followed by the eviction notice. The same patten over and over again.

Cartoon by Jon Appleby

Anyway, I'd managed to get up at 10.15 am, just in time to leave a scribbled note on the door saying I was too unwell to let them in and please just go away...

I need drugs

I was in a state. Have been in a state for about 2 weeks. I need drugs. Lorazepam to kill the anxiety and Zopiclone so I can get a bit of sleep to get a chance to give my fractured mind a chance to reset itself...

So that we can start the whole, anxiety building to sleep deprivation building to the inevitable mental collapse, process all over again.

Driven the work-a-day area consultant shrink to despair

The senior learning disabilities consultant, whom if I'm lucky, I get to see once every 3 years, knows from personal experience, how serious de-benefitization is. I was lucky the last time it happened. I just happened to have an appointment with him, after having driven the work-a-day area consultant shrink to despair.

Rang the social security office in Oxford there and then

He pulled out all the stops. I was homeless at the time, and didn't have an address - he got a nurse to use the LDP's address on the forms and personally rang the social security office in Oxford there and then - while I was in the consulting room.

By cuntish Job Centre Plus worker

You see Dr Ibrahim has lost more than one patient to death by cuntish Job Centre Plus workers. He's a very nice man, totally hamstrung by even more cuntish health service administrators and managers.

A giant of a man waylaid by jabbering monkeys who think they know better than a man with 43 years in  mental hospitals, from Poona to Oxford, under his belt.

Lying in bed paralysed and suffocating

But anyway, I'm rambling - I'd actually started out to tell you all about what it's like to be staring death in the face, in the middle of the night, when a fit fills your mouth with vomit and you are lying in bed paralysed and suffocating.

However I'm done for today - I was supposed to write this on carers' day, four days ago. In fact, I had promised myself I would write a post, no matter how short, every single day. I'm not doing very well. I'm a bit fucked in the head you see: not mentally ill, mentally disabled by a brain that didn't grow quite right.

Trapped in my own head with a fucked-up brain

It's a nightmare I can't wake up from. Trapped in my own head with a fucked-up brain that wants to kill me, just to ease its existential angst.

It's a constant battle to stay alive, and I am utterly convinced it is a battle I am shortly to loose.

Have a nice day, y'all.